


Ready

by endemictoearth



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Gen, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2018-04-09 09:57:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4344056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endemictoearth/pseuds/endemictoearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Extended version of Rae's last therapy session in Series 1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ready

**Author's Note:**

> Posting mainly for completeness. It's just a little drabble of a thing.

When Rae shows up for her therapy session the day after the reception, she’s all smiles. A bundle of happy energy. She doesn’t go the long way round to avoid the mirror, or sit back in her chair and cross her arms. She’s too happy to be defensive. Kester returns her smile as she settles into the chair.

“So. How was the reception? Looks like it went well.”

“It was … interesting.”

“Oh, yeah? Tell me more.” He opens the window and sits opposite Rae.

“When I was at your flat … I told you Chloe had read my diary, right?”

Kester nods encouragingly as he fishes his pack of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket. 

“Well, it turns out she didn’t. She only read one page I had ripped out and thrown in my bag!”

Kester raises his eyebrows. “That must have been a relief.”

“It was, but it took us a while to get there. Right after you dropped me off, she came over and said she wanted me to stay away from the gang, because they were her friends first.” Kester, who tries ever to be mindful to keep his expressions neutral and calm, instinctively furrows his brow at this. 

“So, when my mum asked if anyone would like to say anything after she finished her speech, I figured I had nothing to lose. I congratulated my mum and Karim, and then … I carried on and told everyone at the reception about being in hospital and hurting myself. And some stuff about how my diary was just where I poured out all my random thoughts, because I still thought Chloe had read it.”

“How did everyone react?” Kester smiles proudly before drawing a cigarette to his lips. He studies Rae’s expression.

“Everyone was a bit stunned at first, but …” Rae mists over a bit as she remembers this kindness. “… Chop stood up and clapped and some other people joined in.” She smiles and looks away, and Kester can see the tears flash in her eyes as she does. 

“Good for Chop.” Kester says, matter-of-factly out of the corner of his mouth that is not holding a cigarette. “I guess some people ARE ready for the new Rae.”

Rae smiles at his remembering her resolution. “Yeah. After that, I talked to my mum, and we sorted things out enough to be going on with. I think I was worried that now she’s remarried she wouldn’t want me around.” She sniffs and wipes a tear from her eye. “Then I talked to Chloe, which was interesting, but we made up. The one person I most wanted to talk to left the reception early, though.”

“Who was that?” Kester smirks, fairly sure he knows the answer.

Rae rolls her eyes as she admits, “Finn. Of course.”

Kester lights his cigarette and turns his head to blow out the smoke. “Have you? Spoken to Finn?”

“Yeah, actually he’d gone to the chippy and Archie told me, so I went to find him. And when I got there, he was gone.” Kester raises his eyebrows as he takes another drag. “Or so I thought. He was waiting for me outside, and I didn’t see him at first. We … I … I think things are good between us.” She grins. “Actually, I know they are.”

Kester smiles, too. “I’m glad to hear that.”

Rae thinks over the moment with Finn outside the chippy, and a second later flashes back to crossing the bridge and the impact of being thrown to the pavement. It’s hard to believe so much could have happened in one day of her life. She’s confused, and, almost more than she wants to be with Finn forever, she wants to make sense of her life. 

She thinks of Tix, whom she visited just before her appointment and had told every detail of that crazy day, even though Tix couldn’t smile at her and tell her how brilliant it was. They had both done something really harmful to themselves. So why was Tix in the hospital in a coma and she wasn’t? She now had come down off the high of recounting how Finn had looked at her last night and what he had written on her back. After a moment of silence, Kester notices that Rae’s face has fallen a bit and she’s biting her lip.

“So, why don’t you tell me how you’re feeling?”

A myriad of emotions flash across her face, she realizes she can’t choose which one is strongest. “Same old. I just wish I could make Tix better.”

Kester looks down as he replies, “Yeah, well, it’s a really good sign that she made it through the night.”

Rae shifts in her seat. “So, I … I don’t get where I am.” She looks into the distance for a second. “I tried to do something stupid.” Now she looks right into Kester’s eyes, so she can see if she thinks he’s lying. “So, do you think I need to come back into hospital?”

He thinks for the briefest of seconds and says, deliberately, “No.”

She is relieved to hear him say that. The corner of Rae’s mouth turns up as she asks her next question, “So, do you think I’m better?”

Kester half-smiles back at her and says, just as quickly, “No.”

Rae shrugs and asks, “So … what?” A vision of Finn from last night asking “So, what now?” pops into her head. It is the question of the moment.

“I think … you’re ready to start therapy.”

Rae smiles, nodding, and half-chuckles to herself. She looks at Kester with determination on her face. She is. She’s ready to start over. To start over every bloody day of her life, if she has to.


End file.
